Terry Crews – Os Aprendizados e Experiências de 30 Anos de Vício em Pornografia

one thing that we do as men is that we we tend to to numb numb ourselves [Music] because you know this is a part of what you feel like you’re being tough you feel like you’re being strong like okay I don’t feel that pain you know I can’t show that pain I can’t and drinking is a big big way of numbing your pain for me it was pornography pornography number my pain I’d first discovered porn about nine ten years old I was over my uncle’s house and he had a chest full of pornography and this is the thing you know it’s funny because uh you know people said well you know yeah there’s nothing wrong pornography you know with adults and the whole thing but the problem is is that you know you never find it as an adult I don’t know anybody who found pornography as an adult uh you always find it as a child it’s everywhere and it’s funny because I’ve been told hey man you know just mind your business it’s all good you know keep to yourself that’s your issue but porn never keeps itself to itself but it was no different than any other thing that would numb you be it alcohol via drugs all I knew is when I opened that magazine I saw those ladies in that magazine and how beautiful they were all my problems God like it was numb like I didn’t know anything about violence about where I was it was just like it was I could sewn away at every problem was disappear and I had to have it like when things got stressful but I was stuck and that’s that kind of power that like and I I had this addiction for the longest time I don’t know oh my God all the way up until 2010. from the whole life from 19 from literally from the time I was about 10 to all the way up to about 12 years ago I knew I had a problem and and when you tell yourself you not that like I’m not gonna do this anymore like that because what was happening I found is you know with the porn it was like I need it I would say okay I’m done with that whatever and I would feel guilty but with guilt come shame and with the shame shame says and shame doesn’t say he does you’ve done something bad changed as you are bad like you this is who you are you’re so what you would do is do a bunch of good things and you would just work hard and I go good for like three four days and then you need a reward and what is that reward because you did so good and so you go back in and the cycle starts all over again [Music] I thought that once I got married the porn would go away I said man I got a real woman now oh I don’t have to tell her about anything we just gonna you know it was a phase I’m gonna be out of it it’s gonna be great and first argument the first well you feel like it no I don’t feel like it tonight okay I’ll be right back I’ll I’m going out to get pornography um and I thought it would free I thought it was going to be my answer to what it was but I realized it didn’t I decided that was going to be my secret [Music] well the thing was is that when I got backward in my whole life was that I was trying to change things I couldn’t change at all and the things that I could I felt I was powerless so if you have those things backwards it’s not wisdom well I mean everything works until it does drugs work until they don’t um my pornography addiction worked until it didn’t [Music] I don’t want men to feel like they’re alone I want men to feel like it’s just them and they don’t know any way out in the whole thing I said I have to be vulnerable I have to share this part so that you know how far I came you know this I have no interest in showing that image anymore I would say for men it’s a typical move where we feel bad [Music] but then you have to find a way to feel good about yourself you know what I mean and you have to find something to feel good about so you immerse yourself in work oh my God I mean hey man you talking about I used to I’m the kind of guy who work out until you passed out [Music] all children are good and it’s programmable and so what I did I put a picture of myself on my desktop in my computer and then I have even printed it out put in a little frame and it was me at six years old like my little two teeth missing I don’t think that’s you man I get I get choked up looking at it because it’s like even I think about it I’m like I hello good little boy what would you tell him if he was sitting right next to you you stood right next to you what would you tell him you hug him you know I’m the same person I’m still here I’m still him I got in touch with that dude and I said that’s who I am and that got rid of the shame now guilt is good guilt says you did something wrong and you need to fix it but the shame ain’t working you ain’t got nothing to be ashamed about [Music] nothing man that shame stuff is manipulative use that stuff I never did that [Music] and now all they’re doing is trying to one-up you and I realize it may just be you you know what one thing uh that that changed for me is I stopped competing with people and I said don’t try to be the best [Music] [Applause] it’s only voluntary groups and when Terry Crews you gotta be like you gotta get Terry Crew I love everybody I love the rock I love Kevin Hart I love all these other guys but but I’m Terry Crews you never be like me and I’ll never be like them I’m the only and by being the only you are the best [Music] [Music]